Sam’s Rant – Football

20 07 2011

World Cup Trophy (Wikipedia)

I do not like Football. Football just seems a waste of time for me to watch. What is the whole point in watching a bunch of people kicking a ball around a pitch. Also why do the fans take it so seriously, it’s like life or death with the fans or to put it in another way it is Football or Death.

When I was at school people took it far too seriously and you get told off if you don’t want to play. I remember getting told off a lot at school for not getting involved and taking it seriously. I don’t want to play, leave me alone (ok it was all sports at school except Athletics because I did not mind it, I enjoyed the throwing events). I don’t mind having a kick about and a bit of fun, I actually enjoy football when it is fun but when you take it too seriously it takes the fun out of it. Particularly when the whole team starts breathing in your face because they are taking it too seriously when they are losing and you are trying to have fun. 

Another thing which is annoying is the football fans. The fans take it too seriously; they think it’s the End of the World when their team loses. They shout at the TV and at the players telling them they are rubbish. There was an incident at the world cup last year when an English football goal keeper (or Goaleeeeeee) when he dropped the ball and all the football fans started getting loud and shouty in a way that makes them think that they are better at football than someone picked for the football team. England fans are the most annoying, they celebrate the start of the world cup a whole year before it starts and they try to find signs in the year like in 2006 when it was 40 years since England won it and the fans saw this as a sign that they were going to win – They Lost. England should know by now after 45 years of LOSING the world cup that they don’t stand a chance of winning it. The only chance England has is if they had super powers. They also had those STUPID Vuvuzalas which were just annoying; I would quite like to do a Pete Townshend (Guitar Smash) to one of those STUPID things. Fans also have their ridiculous songs they have to sing all the time, it’s a good thing they don’t do much in the way of Rock or Heavy Metal because they would ruin them. I was very happy when it was announced that England would NOT be hosting the world cup in 2018 or 2022 because I knew it would be a bad thing. Usually the world cup is All In Your Face but last year I managed to escape most of it (i did like what Charlie Brooker said about the World Cup in his 2010 Screenwipe). Fans are also unable to behave themselves as well. They have riots when their team loses. I think what should happen is if a riot breaks out at a football match the 2 teams playing get relegated (whatever that means) for a while. Not 1 year that is not long enough, I think the teams should be relegated for at least 5 years and then with the threat of their team being relegated their fans will learn to behave themselves more often and Football would be a lot nicer then – won’t it.

Why does Football take forever, it’s 90 minutes long plus extra time if they need it. Why have extra time. Extra Time is so annoying, we have had 90 minutes of it, that’s enough. It’s extra time which can cause GOOD TELEVISION SHOWS TO BE MOVED AROUND AND RESCHEDULED. I have come up with several ways to make football more exciting like having Iron Footballs, Footballs on Fire but my latest Idea is the best one. You have the Goals on conveyor belts and as the game is playing the nets move closer together and after EXACTLY 90 minutes they shut together and the ball cannot get in. Then the GOOD TV SHOWS come on and don’t have to be rescheduled.

The best football match I have seen was Harry Enfield’s Association Football, there was also Pit Ball in the Channel 4 show Full Metal Challenge.

Football can be fun but when it is taken too seriously it becomes a matter of life and death and it becomes boring. FOOTBALL IS RUBBISH.

GENEPOOL (I might do some more Football Ranting in the Future)




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