View Along The Apprentice: Series 8 Episode 3

5 04 2012

The Apprentice - Series 8 - 3. Condiments

Just like a post I did during Series 6 here you can read some notes I made to Episode 3 of Series 8 of The Apprentice. Just click on the above picture and let the fun commence, Enjoy.

00:01; Familiar Music

00:22; Does he have any friends?

00:33; I’ll take 75/25 thank you very much

00:36; What about Drunken Bannatyne

00:41; Well mop it up then

00:53; I was at school with someone who looks like her

01:47; There was someone in series 1 who did something similar

02:01; Don’t blame her

02:11; Yes

02:41; She looks like that Stacy from Hustle

03:14; That’s a bit early isn’t it

03:28; That is not enough time to get ready

03:34; You’re not going to wake the men up?

03:38; Ah

04:15; Isn’t that a Gold Blue Peter Badge

04:22; I wonder if he has changed that car yet, or more to the point, washed it.

04:30; They look cold and bored

04:36; I wonder if he fell in

04:59; I would like to place a Hotel on Chili Powder

05:07; Is he a Bond Villain, look at that smile

05:24; Headmistress Karen

06:03; Do you know who does not get enough credit in this show, the drivers, their names have not been mentioned at all

06:10; She is acting like Katie Hopkins from series 3, I hope it’s not because she was horrible

06:33; It would be interesting if one of the teams accidentally makes poison

07:29; Well seeing as you have lost 2 weeks in a row I think you will have to wait and prove yourself before you can be project manager

07:32; I refer you to my previous quote

08:07; How about Tomato Ketchup and calling it HP………. oh wait

08:19; You could market it as a way to get rid of slugs


08:40; Livin La Vida Loca

08:55; Nick by the looks of him

09:12; Grumpy person

09:39; Stop moaning and be professional

09:55; Well except for the BIG GRUMP

10:05; Phoenix Foods, They are Hot Hot Hot

10:23; Simple Goodness Gracious Me

10:27; Isn’t Infusion the name of a Rollercoaster?

10:35; Take the pen out of your mouth

10:56; I like that, it’s straight to the point, just say what is in it.

11:08; Is the Queen coming

11:27; Well Ricky can knock them out with a Power Bomb

11:53; They look ridiculous in those costumes

12:10; Come on, let me try some, I will say if it is nice or not

12:40; Stop Moaning

12:48; She knows food? What, like those characters in the 2008 Subway Adverts

13:08; Just fire her now, please

13:21; Good shot and an amazing view, I thought that was a space shuttle

13:26; Have a Penguin

14:02; The Next Nick Hewer

15:11; They still have 5 minutes


15:37; Call an Ambulance, remember to Push Hard and Fast to the beat of Stayin Alive

16:37; That looks like Ice-Cream

17:12; Talking like a true chef

17:44; Red Porridge, That’s the brand name

18:40; Would you rather sell poison?


20:02; Sing Poison by Alice Cooper to them

20:34; The bloke in pink is already bored

20:36; Says it all doesn’t it

20:45; There’s a smile

20:47; There’s not

21:14; You FAILED

21:21; He’s excited

21:39; Lord Sugar is not a Vampire

21:50; Where is the army bloke from series 6 when you need him?

22:17; Red Porridge

23:39; Livin La Vida Loca

24:29; Ooh Purple Sign

25:30; So not Poisonous then

25:59; It’s George Lucas

26:30; You Failed

26:38; Bendy Bus

27:23; You’re so funny, NOT

28:19; That clip was incredibly boring

29:31; He is useless

31:13; You did not FAIL

32:45; Spaceship

33:44; 48 Bottles of miss-spelling sauce

34:12; That was not an hour

34:56, Purple Vertical Line

34:59; Yawn

35:39; The Boys Are Back In Town

35:46; No, RUNAWAY

36:49; OH SAUCE not Salt

37:26; that is because you are scared of his Finishing Move


38:24; The Project Manager almost died

39:23; I thought they only had 300 bottles, where did the other 5 come from?

39:28; Not Bad

39:46; They did a Sterling Job, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

40:03; Make sure you don’t crash the car or you will be fired on the spot

40:17; Big Hug

40:34; They should have branded it as Red Porridge

40:37; To the Café

41:11; Grump behind the wheel as well

41:17; It should be renamed Apprentice Café

42:09; Livin La Vida Loca

42:46; He does not sound happy

47:40; Livin La Vida Possibly Fired

47:56; Rock and Roll

48:28; Can he win the Boardroom Heavyweight Championship

54:36; There’s the music, who is going to get fired?  

56:00; He should say it more like Vince McMahon, YOU’RE FIRED

56:03; When is someone going to be really childish and tell Sugar that he’s fired

57:42; Where is the Giant Kitten?

58:04; Nice Glasses

58:09; She is a Thief, call the Police

58:20; It appears that the Project Manager is going to get fired next week

That was Week 3 and next week it looks like it is going to be a Rubbish Episode.

GENEPOOL (It almost took me 2 Hours to watch that episode)


The Apprentice: 8 Lessons For Series 8

19 03 2012

This Wednesday sees the return of The Apprentice to BBC1, the show where several business hopefuls try to get a Job with Lord Sugar, oh wait I forgot sorry, No where they get a chance to start-up a company with Lord Sugar’s advice. OK it is easy to say the previous one because that was the idea of the original 6 series; it’s going to be a learning curve (not a demand curve).

Now I do consider myself to be an Apprentice Historian mostly because my Big Brain allows me to remember stuff I enjoy, OK I only started watching the Apprentice from the end of Series 2 onwards but still I remember a lot. So I thought with a new series about to start I would share some well learnt lessons from the series and seeing as this is series 8 I thought I would share 8 lessons for the candidates.

  • Avoid Jokes, it is a good idea to avoid jokes, let me explain. This comes from series 6 when project manager Shibby Robati promised to deliver 1000 bread rolls and only delivered 16. Now this is pretty bad but it gets worse. When the chef asked Shibby what he was supposed to say to his customers Shibby replied “Go on the Atkins Diet”. The chef was not pleased. Eventually the chef got about £150 in compensation which meant he made profit for an order he did not have. Shibby was fired by Lord Sugar in this episode.

  • Avoid un-tested technology. Series 3 featured what has been regarded as one of the worst decisions in Apprentice History when Lieutenant Paul Callaghan decided to sell Wine and Cheese to the French. Along these 2 bad choices they tried to sell sausages and decided to cook them using a Baked Bean tin with holes in it. He gave this responsibility to Adam Hosker who did as he said but despite doing this when he put the sausages in a frying pan on top of the cooker it did not cook the sausages in any way. Along with this and other things included making a loss of £225 Paul was fired in this episode.
  • Be in the background. It is strange to see some people win the Apprentice despite the fact that you don’t think they will win. Throughout the series you can tell who is a favourite to win from episode 3/4/5 onwards but sometimes you don’t spot the other people. In series 3 despite messing up the presentation of a Trampoline Simon Ambrose won The Apprentice when a lot of people thought that Kristina Grimes was going to win it. In series 4 Lee McQueen won and holds a record of not going into the final firing boardroom until the Interview round (so even when he was on the losing team he was not brought back in), he was not much of a standout until people started to notice this. Series 5 Yasmina Siadatan won and even though she was more upfront than most other people everybody thought that Robot Kate Walsh was going to win. OK Kate was a good candidate but Yasmina is by far the best candidate in the history of the Apprentice winning 3 out of 3 projects when she was project manager and eventually winning it (Ok Helen Milligan also got 3 out of 3 in series 7 but she was not hired).
  • Check your orders thoroughly. Another mistake which is regarded as one of the worst in Apprentice History. In series 2 when making Chicken Pizzas Syed Ahmed ordered 100 chickens, for 100 chicken Pizzas. That means he planned to put a chicken on each Pizza, now that does sound like too much chicken. Surprisingly though he was not fired that week, so he is lucky that he managed to stay on.
  • If you are interested in something and it becomes a task for the week, don’t put your hand up to be project leader. This is something that comes up every year in the Apprentice. A good example is from series 4 when Simon Smith who likes photography decided to do it. They lost and made a loss of £73.81p. Sadly Simon was fired that week for being out of his depth, which is sad because overall he was a nice person (unlike most people in the whole history of the Apprentice).
  • Whoever you say you are you are not Ridley Scott (unless you really are in which case no offence meant). During advertisement week you always have the occasion where one person is under the idea that they are a famous Oscar-winning director. When doing something like this, what usually happens is the team that person belongs to loses. In series 4 Raef Bjayou and Michael Sophocles decided to do  Broadway musical/Shakespearean love story instead of an advert. Raef was fired in this episode (despite the fact that both should have been fired for making the advert together and forgetting to show the product in the advert).


  • Do not give exclusivity to everyone. In series 4 while selling Ice Cream Lindi Mngaza and Jennifer Maguire decided to use a unique selling strategy by giving exclusivity to almost all the people they were selling Ice Cream to. One good point to mention is she was not allowed to do this. When someone asks for exclusivity to the product it does not mean they should have it. You don’t sell a certain make of DVD player to someone and tell them that they are the only person who will own it if they buy it (unless they were willing to pay Billions of Pounds for it). Lindi was fired as a result of this (Ice Cream sales not DVD player sales).
  • Stay at the same price. This refers to someone in series 4 who was not a candidate. While trying to sell fish at a solicitors firm one employee won’t budge from his price. The team think they can sell all the fish for around about £100. The employee says £50. The team keeps lowering the price but every time the man says £50, £50, £50, £50. Eventually the food is sold for, that’s right £50. The team lost that round. What I don’t understand is why weren’t all the candidates fired and this non candidate hired.

Well there you have it, while there are many more lessons to be learnt but for now as long as you take notice of these 8 lessons you will do well, possibly. For now let us enjoy all the mistakes (some of which will probably be absolutely hilarious) this year’s bunch will get up to in series 8 of the Apprentice.

The Apprentice starts on Wednesday 21st of March at 9:00pm on BBC One.


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