The Apprentice 2016 Top 5 Candidates I Really Want To See Get Fired!

9 11 2016

the-apprentice-uk

The Year is 2016, and once again the BBC treats us to one of the major BBC Highlights of the year; a TV show where a bunch of Clowns attempt to prove themselves in a series of business based tasks in hope of getting some money to start a business with. Yes, The Apprentice (UK) is back on the box and is already in full swing this year. In the past the show has delivered some spectacular moments as well as presented a series of candidates as well as a select group of clowns who most of us would not trust with a ball of string let alone £250,000.

It is one of my favourite shows of the TV Calendar Year, and is both interesting as well as very entertaining, all the time creating near cringe worthy moments, and bits and bobs which are just too painful to watch. Every year when the show returns I prepare myself for the oncoming assault of dim-witted decisions being made by people who are supposedly by their own admission ‘successful’ or ‘expert’ business men and women. Every series that comes around also comes with a select group of Characters who are in their own unique way surprising; as they somehow manage to get any distance in the show. The one thing though that gets the most surprise from me is that many of them are already running their own businesses, so why they need to come onto the Apprentice is anyone’s guess? In all honesty after nearly 12 series of The Apprentice, I am surprised that I still get surprised by all this. I know these things are coming, but still get shocked when they happen. As I look back into past series’, its amazing how far we have come, but also how contenders from previous series look far better now than anyone in the last few years. The candidates of Series 5 for instance look like viable candidates for anything thrown in their way, while more recent series (series 12 especially), show a group of jokers who don’t really appear qualified to do, well…anything.

As series 12 goes; this to me looks like the biggest list of candidates who should all be fired immediately and get the show over with on the spot right now. There are maybe 4 people I can see going the distance and be good candidates for the role, but one of those; Aleksandra, decided to quit in task 4, so now we are left with; Alana, Jessica and Grainne. For me, that’s it; you may as well sack the rest right now and jump straight into the audience’s favourite task: The Interviews. Some people in this series though have shown themselves to be in a class of their own when it comes to being top joker at clown school, and for this reason, I present to you; the Top 5 Candidates I Really Really Want/Hope to see get Fired this year:

paul-sullivan

5. Paul Sullivan – Paul Sullivan is one of those candidates that can be a real surprise. Ones who are practical in any situation and can be potentially good candidates if you give them half a chance; so far though he has not really done anything like that. No offence to guys like this, guys who are not just good workers, but also possibly brilliant leaders if people would just give them a chance (or more likely just Shut Up!). They are hard workers and come from said backgrounds, and for that they are worthy of respect. Paul though while looking like he has come from said background, has only really acted like a bullish bull in a china tea shop. He has shown high levels of attitude and frustration to tasks. Now I can respect that as watching them on TV makes me want to do the same, but has not really shown any commendable acts either. He is professional, which is more than can be said about most, but he is not much else either. There is still some hope for him I feel…but he really needs to show that he can work upon it.

courtney-wood

4. Courtney Wood – Courtney is quite clearly the Snake in the Grass for this series. For an idea of what I mean by that, here is an example from a previous series:

Courtney has not really showed himself doing much, but given that he has never been called into the boardroom, his actions have never come into question. However, he did shed his cloak on a treat a few weeks ago. Whilst out playing Croquet with his new ‘friends’, he said “I know I can beat everyone in this competition, every week I long triple firing because it just makes my life easier”. Now while this is probably the secret dream of all Candidates in the process, the simple fact he said this out of no-where, and was pretty much the first thing he said this series, just makes me lose sympathy for him. I think we all look forward to a triple firing, not just because it makes You’re Fired interesting, but also because it removes the dead weight and horrible ones a lot quicker!

sofiane-khelfa

3. Sofiane Khelfa – Sofiane is one those guys that really needs to learn how to thread; just so then he can thread his mouth shut! He talks quite a bit, maybe not as much as Karthik in all likelihood, but he has this way of making and doing things his way and only his way, and he does this by talking so much that by the time someone can actually speak and either suggest their own ideas or debate his, there is not enough time to do so. He comes off as being rude, and has made some controversial announcements, comments and actions in the show, and could be considered more of an achilles heel to a team than a player. Someone who talks too much can be annoying, someone who talks too much but for the sake of lambasting and shooting his own opinion forward to the point where it appears like no-one else’s matters – that is just horrible; and for that he needs to get the finger.

samuel-boateng

2. Samuel Boateng – If this was any other series, Samuel Boateng could potentially be a really good candidate, but it isn’t and he has proved that he is definitely not. Given the task of doing a crowd-sourcing project, he made the consistently fatal apprentice mistake of suggesting that his past experience makes him a ‘pro’ at such things, once anyone does this, they may as well just be handed a shovel. In past episodes he has actually been quite quiet and it’s only recently that he has begun to really show himself. He is pretty vocal about his opinions and suggestions, and does fight his corner well, but in a very defensive position, and when presenting upfront could be a lot more descriptive rather than hoping everyone gets him, because I don’t think anyone actually does. However, his lack of being a good candidate really came out last week, and this all relates to what I have just described. If it wasn’t for him hopelessly describing what he was trying to get a bunch of actors to play out in the middle of a train station while rehearsing it, not even the audience watching at home would have got it! It would have been just a man enjoying a thumping good walk around a station and a bunch of people falling over whenever they got nudged in the shoulder, who then burst into dance. What that represents is, well…nothing other than his belief that reincarnation involves a west end musical moment. He thinks everyone is on the same page as him, and that everything is as clear as day, but in reality he’s as clear as a concrete bunker. He is obviously a very creative person, but what he needs to do is less work on the conception and put work more into the execution; and hope he does so before his business dreams meet the point of Sralan’s (sorry, Lord Sugar’s) Index Finger of Business Death.

karthik-nagesan

1. Karthik Nagesan – Every series of the Apprentice has at least one character, someone who stands out as more than just a candidate, someone who is unique by how much of a fool they are. This year it comes down to Karthik (or K as he wishes to be called) to fulfill this role. When a new series starts, many of these contestants like to share their own opinion about themselves; but you really have to worry for someone if at any time they suggest that they are like Napoleon or Alexander The Great and consider themselves optimistic enough of their chances to one day become Prime Minister of the UK. Basically, Karthik wants to be the UK version of Donald Trump (I’ll let that one sink in). It’s not his status though that makes me want to see the back of him sooner than later. On the BBC website, there is a quote which suggests that he believes himself to be firm yet polite. Now there is one key word here that is very possibly a complete lie; the word ‘polite’. Karthik has proven himself to be possibly the most untrustworthy person in the show’s history. He is someone who believes that no matter who the actual Project Manager is for a given task, that in actual fact it is him. He feels that his words should be respected no matter how much dribble they are, and that he should be able to do no matter what he wants no matter what others like the PM say. Now while he has since calmed down, week 2 of the process should have seen him gone. For one, his idea of being allowed to sit with the advert editor for 5 minutes just to do what he wanted without articulating to his team what he wanted to actually do was just absolute nonsense and should only be reserved for the audience, plus there was no need for that level of attitude! Then his latent disrespect towards Lord Sugar in the Board Room was beyond the pale. He talked down to Lord Sugar in the same manner as someone would talk down to a child. It was the pure personification of cringe worthy and one he should have been sent home for. But of course he has since calmed down, so he could consider that his lucky break, but given what he has shown himself to be like, I doubt he will be able suppress it for long; next he will be asking for 5 minutes alone with Claude Littner (“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”).

GENEPOOL (Who would you like to see get the Business Finger of Death – or Fired as its more widely known?)





Top 5 Joke End Of The World Scenarios

20 12 2012

Nagasaki Explosion in 1945

It is more than likely that you know that the 21st December 2012 is supposed to be the end of the world, well, that’s according to people who think that. Well, it is more than likely that it won’t happen and a lot of people will be upset (especially the ones who have not bought Christmas Presents yet, have spent a lot of money preparing for the date and those who have given up their jobs). but on the plus side there will be some growth on the employment side thanks to those people who left their jobs, a lot of vacancies will be filled up on the 22nd of December.

There are several reasons why the world probably won’t end, one of these is the fact that no-one has any ideas how it will. Usually when it comes to one of these things there is at least a popular idea but this time there are several ideas which makes the whole idea even more un-likely. The second reason is that this is not the first time the world is supposed to end. Apparently this one was originally supposed to happen in 1998 or something and was postponed, who remembers The Millenium? The Millenium Bug? The Black Hole machine in Switzerland? Put your mind at ease because every time someone has predicted what day the world will end, they were wrong.

So I think we can have some fun with this whole thing. So here is some joke ideas I have come up with. So here is my Top 5 Joke End Of The World Scenarios:

Justin Bieber (2012)

5: Justin Bieber releases a Christmas Song – Alright this…………………….person has released a Christmas Song before. What I am talking about is if he releases a song that gets more views overnight than Gangnam Style has done over its entire YouTube lifetime. This would not necessarily end the entire world, but it would destroy the entire world of Music and the Music Industry.

Call Centre

4: Alien Salesmen – Alien Salesman from another world (obviously) come to our planet and don’t stop putting magazines that we have no interest in and knocking on our doors asking if they can have their magazines back even though we have obviously lost them (hang on a minute). They will also not stop calling us and asking if we would like PPI (hang on a minute) and ask us if we would be alright to participate in a questionnaire (hang on a minute). They will also not stop calling us and telling us that there maybe a problem with the computer and try to take some of our money (hang on a minute). This may have already started. Well, if any of this increases in activity we know that the Alien Salesmen have landed.

T-Shirt

3: Attack of the Giant T-Shirts – The world is attacked by an army of Giant T-Shirts, it’s that simple, people may be able to fight back but unless people could find the source of the T-Shirts are stopped it could be the End of the World. The Giant T-Shirts must be stopped.

Pound

2: The Recession and Credit Crunch is solved overnight – Yes, all of the worlds money problems are solved and Employment is back on a positive up (constantly) and the world is back to how it was back in 2007 (What a Fantastic Year). While this will obviously be a Fantastic Thing the sheer amazement and positive attitudes of everyone will cause their heads to explode. The financial situation will need to be fixed sooner or later but not literally overnight (I don’t think the world can handle it, if it happened over the course of 7 days the human mind should be able to cope).

Big Brother Logo (Channel 5)

1: All Reality TV Shows are Cancelled – While this may not sound so bad, it is the plot of A story I plan to write. Think Day of the Triffids but worse and not the walking dead but the walking Chav. Basically, without Big Brother or Towie (stupid name) or I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here and Made in Chelsea, all the Chavs have nothing to talk about and go through a process where they become mindless Zombies (or the Walking Chav as previously mentioned). If this were to become reality it would be terrifying. So let us be thankful that TV Shows like the ones previously mentioned (I don’t watch them because they are all RUBBISH, I do watch The Apprentice though) are around to prevent this End of the World Scenario.

So with the 21st of December just a few hours away let us remember that it is more than likely that the World is not going to end on the 21st. So let us put our minds at ease and remember that none of the things previously stated have happened, Yet (Mysterious end hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). Now let’s think about something more positive and completely off topic.

Seven Samurai.

 

The Best Film I have seen this Year

(Film that I have not seen before that is)

If you have not watched it yet, WHY NOT?

GENEPOOL (One further note, I do not listen to the Music of Justin Bieber either, wait until he is 25 and then he probably won’t be as popular)





View Along The Apprentice: Series 8 Episode 3

5 04 2012

The Apprentice - Series 8 - 3. Condiments

Just like a post I did during Series 6 here you can read some notes I made to Episode 3 of Series 8 of The Apprentice. Just click on the above picture and let the fun commence, Enjoy.

00:01; Familiar Music

00:22; Does he have any friends?

00:33; I’ll take 75/25 thank you very much

00:36; What about Drunken Bannatyne

00:41; Well mop it up then

00:53; I was at school with someone who looks like her

01:47; There was someone in series 1 who did something similar

02:01; Don’t blame her

02:11; Yes

02:41; She looks like that Stacy from Hustle

03:14; That’s a bit early isn’t it

03:28; That is not enough time to get ready

03:34; You’re not going to wake the men up?

03:38; Ah

04:15; Isn’t that a Gold Blue Peter Badge

04:22; I wonder if he has changed that car yet, or more to the point, washed it.

04:30; They look cold and bored

04:36; I wonder if he fell in

04:59; I would like to place a Hotel on Chili Powder

05:07; Is he a Bond Villain, look at that smile

05:24; Headmistress Karen

06:03; Do you know who does not get enough credit in this show, the drivers, their names have not been mentioned at all

06:10; She is acting like Katie Hopkins from series 3, I hope it’s not because she was horrible

06:33; It would be interesting if one of the teams accidentally makes poison

07:29; Well seeing as you have lost 2 weeks in a row I think you will have to wait and prove yourself before you can be project manager

07:32; I refer you to my previous quote

08:07; How about Tomato Ketchup and calling it HP………. oh wait

08:19; You could market it as a way to get rid of slugs

08:29; HMMMMMM TANGY

08:40; Livin La Vida Loca

08:55; Nick by the looks of him

09:12; Grumpy person

09:39; Stop moaning and be professional

09:55; Well except for the BIG GRUMP

10:05; Phoenix Foods, They are Hot Hot Hot

10:23; Simple Goodness Gracious Me

10:27; Isn’t Infusion the name of a Rollercoaster?

10:35; Take the pen out of your mouth

10:56; I like that, it’s straight to the point, just say what is in it.

11:08; Is the Queen coming

11:27; Well Ricky can knock them out with a Power Bomb

11:53; They look ridiculous in those costumes

12:10; Come on, let me try some, I will say if it is nice or not

12:40; Stop Moaning

12:48; She knows food? What, like those characters in the 2008 Subway Adverts

13:08; Just fire her now, please

13:21; Good shot and an amazing view, I thought that was a space shuttle

13:26; Have a Penguin

14:02; The Next Nick Hewer

15:11; They still have 5 minutes

15:25; POISON ACHIEVED

15:37; Call an Ambulance, remember to Push Hard and Fast to the beat of Stayin Alive

16:37; That looks like Ice-Cream

17:12; Talking like a true chef

17:44; Red Porridge, That’s the brand name

18:40; Would you rather sell poison?

19:22; HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

20:02; Sing Poison by Alice Cooper to them

20:34; The bloke in pink is already bored

20:36; Says it all doesn’t it

20:45; There’s a smile

20:47; There’s not

21:14; You FAILED

21:21; He’s excited

21:39; Lord Sugar is not a Vampire

21:50; Where is the army bloke from series 6 when you need him?

22:17; Red Porridge

23:39; Livin La Vida Loca

24:29; Ooh Purple Sign

25:30; So not Poisonous then

25:59; It’s George Lucas

26:30; You Failed

26:38; Bendy Bus

27:23; You’re so funny, NOT

28:19; That clip was incredibly boring

29:31; He is useless

31:13; You did not FAIL

32:45; Spaceship

33:44; 48 Bottles of miss-spelling sauce

34:12; That was not an hour

34:56, Purple Vertical Line

34:59; Yawn

35:39; The Boys Are Back In Town

35:46; No, RUNAWAY

36:49; OH SAUCE not Salt

37:26; that is because you are scared of his Finishing Move

37:55; GRUMP ALERT, GRUMP ALERT, GRUMP ALERT

38:24; The Project Manager almost died

39:23; I thought they only had 300 bottles, where did the other 5 come from?

39:28; Not Bad

39:46; They did a Sterling Job, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

40:03; Make sure you don’t crash the car or you will be fired on the spot

40:17; Big Hug

40:34; They should have branded it as Red Porridge

40:37; To the Café

41:11; Grump behind the wheel as well

41:17; It should be renamed Apprentice Café

42:09; Livin La Vida Loca

42:46; He does not sound happy

47:40; Livin La Vida Possibly Fired

47:56; Rock and Roll

48:28; Can he win the Boardroom Heavyweight Championship

54:36; There’s the music, who is going to get fired?  

56:00; He should say it more like Vince McMahon, YOU’RE FIRED

56:03; When is someone going to be really childish and tell Sugar that he’s fired

57:42; Where is the Giant Kitten?

58:04; Nice Glasses

58:09; She is a Thief, call the Police

58:20; It appears that the Project Manager is going to get fired next week

That was Week 3 and next week it looks like it is going to be a Rubbish Episode.

GENEPOOL (It almost took me 2 Hours to watch that episode)





The Apprentice: 8 Lessons For Series 8

19 03 2012

This Wednesday sees the return of The Apprentice to BBC1, the show where several business hopefuls try to get a Job with Lord Sugar, oh wait I forgot sorry, No where they get a chance to start-up a company with Lord Sugar’s advice. OK it is easy to say the previous one because that was the idea of the original 6 series; it’s going to be a learning curve (not a demand curve).

Now I do consider myself to be an Apprentice Historian mostly because my Big Brain allows me to remember stuff I enjoy, OK I only started watching the Apprentice from the end of Series 2 onwards but still I remember a lot. So I thought with a new series about to start I would share some well learnt lessons from the series and seeing as this is series 8 I thought I would share 8 lessons for the candidates.

  • Avoid Jokes, it is a good idea to avoid jokes, let me explain. This comes from series 6 when project manager Shibby Robati promised to deliver 1000 bread rolls and only delivered 16. Now this is pretty bad but it gets worse. When the chef asked Shibby what he was supposed to say to his customers Shibby replied “Go on the Atkins Diet”. The chef was not pleased. Eventually the chef got about £150 in compensation which meant he made profit for an order he did not have. Shibby was fired by Lord Sugar in this episode.

  • Avoid un-tested technology. Series 3 featured what has been regarded as one of the worst decisions in Apprentice History when Lieutenant Paul Callaghan decided to sell Wine and Cheese to the French. Along these 2 bad choices they tried to sell sausages and decided to cook them using a Baked Bean tin with holes in it. He gave this responsibility to Adam Hosker who did as he said but despite doing this when he put the sausages in a frying pan on top of the cooker it did not cook the sausages in any way. Along with this and other things included making a loss of £225 Paul was fired in this episode.
  • Be in the background. It is strange to see some people win the Apprentice despite the fact that you don’t think they will win. Throughout the series you can tell who is a favourite to win from episode 3/4/5 onwards but sometimes you don’t spot the other people. In series 3 despite messing up the presentation of a Trampoline Simon Ambrose won The Apprentice when a lot of people thought that Kristina Grimes was going to win it. In series 4 Lee McQueen won and holds a record of not going into the final firing boardroom until the Interview round (so even when he was on the losing team he was not brought back in), he was not much of a standout until people started to notice this. Series 5 Yasmina Siadatan won and even though she was more upfront than most other people everybody thought that Robot Kate Walsh was going to win. OK Kate was a good candidate but Yasmina is by far the best candidate in the history of the Apprentice winning 3 out of 3 projects when she was project manager and eventually winning it (Ok Helen Milligan also got 3 out of 3 in series 7 but she was not hired).
  • Check your orders thoroughly. Another mistake which is regarded as one of the worst in Apprentice History. In series 2 when making Chicken Pizzas Syed Ahmed ordered 100 chickens, for 100 chicken Pizzas. That means he planned to put a chicken on each Pizza, now that does sound like too much chicken. Surprisingly though he was not fired that week, so he is lucky that he managed to stay on.
  • If you are interested in something and it becomes a task for the week, don’t put your hand up to be project leader. This is something that comes up every year in the Apprentice. A good example is from series 4 when Simon Smith who likes photography decided to do it. They lost and made a loss of £73.81p. Sadly Simon was fired that week for being out of his depth, which is sad because overall he was a nice person (unlike most people in the whole history of the Apprentice).
  • Whoever you say you are you are not Ridley Scott (unless you really are in which case no offence meant). During advertisement week you always have the occasion where one person is under the idea that they are a famous Oscar-winning director. When doing something like this, what usually happens is the team that person belongs to loses. In series 4 Raef Bjayou and Michael Sophocles decided to do  Broadway musical/Shakespearean love story instead of an advert. Raef was fired in this episode (despite the fact that both should have been fired for making the advert together and forgetting to show the product in the advert).

 

  • Do not give exclusivity to everyone. In series 4 while selling Ice Cream Lindi Mngaza and Jennifer Maguire decided to use a unique selling strategy by giving exclusivity to almost all the people they were selling Ice Cream to. One good point to mention is she was not allowed to do this. When someone asks for exclusivity to the product it does not mean they should have it. You don’t sell a certain make of DVD player to someone and tell them that they are the only person who will own it if they buy it (unless they were willing to pay Billions of Pounds for it). Lindi was fired as a result of this (Ice Cream sales not DVD player sales).
  • Stay at the same price. This refers to someone in series 4 who was not a candidate. While trying to sell fish at a solicitors firm one employee won’t budge from his price. The team think they can sell all the fish for around about £100. The employee says £50. The team keeps lowering the price but every time the man says £50, £50, £50, £50. Eventually the food is sold for, that’s right £50. The team lost that round. What I don’t understand is why weren’t all the candidates fired and this non candidate hired.

Well there you have it, while there are many more lessons to be learnt but for now as long as you take notice of these 8 lessons you will do well, possibly. For now let us enjoy all the mistakes (some of which will probably be absolutely hilarious) this year’s bunch will get up to in series 8 of the Apprentice.

The Apprentice starts on Wednesday 21st of March at 9:00pm on BBC One.

GENEPOOL








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